Ian Boothsby is a Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater
by dragongoddess13
Summary: Darcy Lewis was not a home wrecker. She had never in her life believed that if you were unhappy in a relationship you should cheat instead of ending said relationship. Unfortunately, Ian was not of the same mind set, leading to a very embarrassing situation in which she may or may not have kicked him in the no no square when he ran after her, claiming he could explain.


Ian Boothsby is a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater.

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><p>Darcy Lewis was not a home wrecker. She had never in her life believed that if you were unhappy in a relationship you should cheat instead of ending said relationship. Unfortunately, Ian was not of the same mind set, leading to a very embarrassing situation in which she may or may not have kicked him in the no no square when he ran after her, claiming he could explain.<p>

Needless to say she didn't want to hear it and now she was officially homeless, cause heaven forbid she go back and kick him out. Oh no, she couldn't do that, because they just had to put the apartment in his name thanks to her student loans decimating her credit score.

So here she was alone, homeless and seriously debating whether or not she could make home in Jane's old van without her noticing. She decided the odds were good, but Thor was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for and she wouldn't put it passed him to notice something was off. Maybe she could crash in the lab for a few nights and pass it off as working late. That however, would only hold for a day or two. She could only pretend to be a good little intern for so long before Jane got suspicious.

Darcy read somewhere that a sigh was actually a mental restart, so she took a deep breath, let it out and finished her journey to work. As she made her way to the lab levels of Stark tower, she couldn't help but relent her terrible luck with relationships. She knew she'd always been kind of difficult. Between being a bit distant and the occasional bought of pickiness she knew she wasn't the easiest person to get along with, and her personality took some getting used to, but honestly, was she really that horrible to be with?

With another mental restart, Darcy entered the lab only to stop dead next to Pepper at the sight before her.

"Damn." Pepper agreed they're eyes traveling the room, landing on each of the men around the lab. To her right was Steve and Bucky; Steve's crisp white t-shirt clinging to him as his body perspired, doing whatever it could to keep cool in the unusually hot lab. Beside him, Bucky had stripped off his shirt all together, a light sheen of sweat glistening across his abdomen.

"Why is it so hot in here?" Darcy asked as she caught sight of Clint and Sam both down to their undershirts. Jane came to stand next to her, the older woman obviously enjoying the view as well. Thor really needed to come back from his little festival before Jane gave in to temptation.

"Apparently a circuit over loaded last night after we left and now all the machines are overheating. Everyone was kind enough to come in and help move the machines apart so they would cool faster. Unfortunately that means there's not much work that can be done today so we'll probably be done by noon."

Any other day Darcy would have been more than happy to hear Jane say that, but of course the one day she actually wanted to be at work there was no work to be done.

"Darce?... Darcy!" Jane's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked around realizing everyone was staring at her.

"You alright, Doll?" Bucky questioned concerned. Darcy nodded.

"Pepper's trying to talk to you." Jane added. Dumbfounded she turned to the older woman next to her.

"Sorry, what's up?"

"When you're finished with work today, would you be free for lunch? There's something I'd like to discuss with you."

"Oh, um... Of course." Darcy replied. Pepper smiled at her.

"Great," she handed Darcy a business card. On the back was scribbled the name of a small pub around the corner and a time. "I'll see you later." With that she bid Tony farewell and left.

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><p>"Well, I think that's it." Steve said as the last piece of equipment was moved.<p>

"That's great." Jane breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much guys. Next time we go to the bar, the first round is on me."

"Gonna hold you to that Doc." Clint joked.

Meanwhile, Darcy sat at her desk; proof reading a report when she became aware of someone standing next to her.

"You sure you're alright, doll face?" Bucky's voice sounded softly as he leaned down next to her, looking over her shoulder. She looked over at him.

"I'm fine." She replied. He looked skeptical.

"I don't believe you." He told her flat out, but he didn't press the issue any further.

"You ready?" Steve questioned as he approached them. Bucky smirked.

"Yea, let's go."

"Where ya headed?"

"Sparring in the gym." Bucky smirked looking at her pointedly. Darcy laughed.

"Cop a feel for me then." She laughed harder at Steve's blush.

"Count on it." Bucky winked at her before heading out after Steve.

Darcy shook her head that man was going to be the death of her. They became friends almost immediately when Steve brought him to the tower. Apparently being an assassin on the opposite side for a while did little to deter her from his company, something that still managed to stump most everyone else. But she could tell that both Steve and Bucky appreciated her lack of self-preservation instinct, at least when it came to Bucky.

Truth be told, Darcy sorta kinda had a crush on both of them. Really, who could blame her? They were both funny and sweet and despite everything they'd been through they still clung to their 1940s chivalry. It could only ever be a crush though, seeing as how the rehabilitation process brought to light the revelation that both Steve and Bucky were bisexual... And they loved each other. This made her crush all the more inappropriate and made her feel like a complete ass.

What else is new?

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><p>Until the day she dies, Darcy would swear up and down that the only reason she ordered a beer with lunch was because Pepper ordered wine. Not because she had gotten done early at work, borrowed Jane's van and went back to the apartment she had stormed out of that morning. Certainly not, because when she got there Ian was waiting, his face stoic and guilty with an ice pack between his legs. And most certainly not because an hour before she was supposed to meet Pepper she was busy getting into a screaming match with Ian, (who at first was ready willing and able to take full responsibility for his actions), because after she started in on what an ass he was and how he should have just ended things instead of sneaking around behind her back, he proceeded to blame her for being a terrible girlfriend and never being there and being flighty. He then promptly explained that he thought she was a useless, unqualified bitch who got her job on luck and not skill and who didn't deserve to be doing anything except asking 'would you like fries with that'.<p>

To his credit, not that he deserved it, he looked thoroughly shamed by the look on her face and would have most likely tried to take it back had she not tasered him and left him twitching on the carpet while she packed up all of her possession and had the couple next door, who may or may not have kicked Ian on their way in and out of the apartment (the walls are like paper, seriously), help take everything to Jane's van. And she still managed to get to the meeting with a few minutes to spare (take that, ya wussy little twit).

For all Pepper's authority and unapproachable air, she was a fantastic friend. The minute their drinks came and Darcy took a more than generous gulp of hers, Pepper had put everything on hold and insisted Darcy tells her what was wrong. The look Pepper gave her turned her simple 'I caught my boyfriend cheating on me' explanation into a full on rant, leading her to repeat everything word for word from their argument.

Pepper looked like Tony had just done something without consulting her first, which in lay man's terms meant she was pissed. She had already pulled out her cellphone and was poised to dial Tony's number, (just thinking about what Tony could possibly do made her shudder). Darcy practically begged Pepper not to make a big deal about it she just wanted to move on. Pepper agreed and they got right to business to take her mind off of everything.

It certainly worked too. As it were, Pepper had come into quite the large inheritance, in the form of the Avengers, when SHIELD fell. On top of the team also came the slew of legitimate SHIELD agents who need sanctuary from the government's witch hunt and the enemies of SHIELD looking to cash in on the collapse. A large hole and very important position had been left open by Coulson's death and Pepper had hoped Darcy would fill that position. She would be the equivalent of a handler to the team, while publicly she was the PR rep, and face of the team, deflecting and appeasing politicians, ensuring the health and personal well-being of the team and basically just being there for them.

Darcy was floored and Being the savvy businesswoman she was, Pepper used that chance to point out all the benefits she would receive.

"I've also already talked to Natasha and Clint about this and they've both agreed to training you in self-defense and weapons like you would if you were actually working for SHIELD." She explained.

"Wow, um... Wow. Can I have some time to think about this?"

"Of course. I'd expect nothing less. I can give you until the end of the week."

Lunch just seemed to fly by after that. When the check was paid and they were leaving, Pepper explained that there was an apartment in Stark Tower that was meant for her since Thor informed them of her and Jane's arrival, and whether she took the job or not the apartment was there for her. For some unearthly reason hearing that just depressed her. She thanked Pepper, who called the drivers from the car pool at Avengers tower to come pick up her van when she alluded to wanting to walk around before heading back.

The walk consisted of Darcy wandering the streets of New York, absently stopping in a few vintage clothing stores and apparently buying new formal business clothes(although she didn't really remember that especially since she still hadn't decided on whether or not to take the job). She ate dinner at a diner the team frequented and then somehow ended up at the bar that was once again frequented by the team. Using the opportunity she proceeded to get completely shit faced in the hopes of forgetting Ian Boothsby and his stupid face. For the record it didn't work.

She was about half way through a bottle of cheap tequila when the maroon vinyl in the booth seat across from her squeaked as two someone's slid in.

"Hey doll, whatcha doin'?" Bucky sounded cautious.

"Drinking my pain away." She replied carefully her eyelids heavy. She was having trouble keeping her head up.

"Why are ya doin' that?" Steve looked torn between amused and concerned.

"Because!" She exclaimed over balancing as she sat up fully. She corrected herself without throwing up ( "Yay me!"). "Ian Boothsby is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater." She continued conspiratorially. She squinted at them. Did their concern just turn to anger?

"What happened Darcy?" Steve the ever present level headed team leader, with the pretty arms and the firm buttocks, she just wanted to bite it. She liked to think that drunk Darcy told the story better than sober Darcy; however, the reaction was the same so she couldn't be sure.

"Did he really say all that to you?" Again Steve of the calm intensity.

"Yep." She pops the 'P' obnoxiously, reaching for her bottle. She came up short, realizing it was now farther from her and closer to Bucky. She scowled.

"Listen Bucko," she was pointing at now like a mother reprimanding a child. "I love you to death, but if you think you can take my tequila, I'll cut you." In her head the threat was clear in concise and left no room for argument. To everyone else she sounded like a gurgling baby with only every other word making any real sense. At least that's what she figured since they were now both trying not to laugh at her. "My tequila." She made grabby hands at the bottle. She then decided to sing when it was obvious Bucky wasn't handing it over. "Tequila makes her squeela. What?"

The fact that she didn't understand what she was saying was a good indication that Bucky had made the right call.

"Listen Darce," Steve began in his oh so soothing voice. "Bucky and I are going to take you back to our apartment so you can sleep this off ok?"

He was saying words but all she saw was his jaw moving as he articulated. It had to be chiseled from granite. She nodded because she figured that was what she was supposed to do and he picked her up. Oh shit his chest was huge... And gorgeous... And perfect. Over his shoulder she could see Bucky following along and the image of the two of them together suddenly flashed through her head.

Oh crap did she say that out loud? Why were they looking at her like that? Why did their eyes look dark and... Cloudy? Could eyes be cloudy? Did Bucky just lick his lips? Yes, yes he did. Dear Thor please do that again. And he did. Is he smirking at her? Why is he smirking, and why is Steve blushing so much? He looked like a tomato. Or a Doritos chip.

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><p>The hangover Darcy woke up with made her cry. She'd never cried because of hangover before, than again she'd never felt the need to drown her sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Most previous hangovers came from fun not depression. So add the fact that she balling her eyes out to the fact that she was now puking her guts up, perched over a toilet that wasn't hers, and she had the perfect reason to never drink again.<p>

She was so exhausted she didn't even have the energy to pull her hair back so when it wasn't in her way anymore she became vaguely aware of the wall of muscle kneeling next to her and rubbing soothing circles into her back.

"Shh, deep breath sweetheart." Bucky's voice was soft, soothing in the harsh reality of the moment.

When the dry heaves had subsided, she sat back against the tub accepting the glass of water and the pain pills Bucky held out for her. She groaned when he picked her up and moved her out into the living room. "Steve's making you something light for breakfast, and we had Jarvis dim the window shades so you could handle the sunlight."

"You guys are the best." She grumbled.

"Morning Darce." Steve called out as they stepped into the main apartment. She groaned half-heartedly in his direction as Bucky set her gently across the sofa. She picked at the breakfast Steve brought her.

"So, Doll, what exactly do you remember of yesterday?" Bucky finally broke the ice. She cringed as if thinking made the hangover worse.

"Not much." Was it just her or did they look deflated?

"Well, what exactly do you remember?"

"I remember a business lunch with Pepper. I vaguely remember some walking, there was possibly some shopping, there was definitely dinner, I won't be eating at the diner for awhile, and then there was tequila."

"Anything else? Anything specific?" She squinted at them. Why were they so interested in her indiscretion? She shrugged.

"Um... Pepper offered me a job...I think I bought some new clothes for it, even though I still haven't decided whether or not to take it. And then the tequila, and the bad thoughts, and then you guys showed up and totally went all knights in shining armor on me... Much appreciated by the way, and then... That's it."

Again with the deflated looks.

"So, Pepper offered you a job?" Steve prompted. She nodded.

"You have to be nice to me now." She told them childishly, and deflated shifted to amused.

"And why's that?"

"Cause she wants me to be your boss. Darcy Marie Lewis, Avengers handler." Stunned didn't seem like the appropriate word for the amount of shock on their faces.

"She asked you to be our handler? Really?" She nodded. Her face must have showed how sad she was because then Bucky asked her;

"You don't look so happy about it. That's a big step up don't you want to do it?" She shrugged resting her temple against the back of the couch and pulling her knees up to her chest. "Hey now, don't do that. Talk to us." Bucky urged gently. Darcy sighed refusing to look at them.

"I just...what Ian said... He, I..." She paused taking another deep breath. "It was like he knew all of my insecurities about myself, about my job, about my life and he just screamed them back at me and I couldn't even argue." She laughed bitterly. "I mean I know I'm not qualified, I know I only got the internship because I was the only applicant, and I just don't understand why Pepper would actually think I can do this job." Her voice was rising and the tears were back. "I don't belong here." She spoke through her tears, her voice cracking.

"Don't be ridiculous, Doll. Of course you belong here." Bucky stood from his seat across from her and settled behind her, his chest to her back. Steve relocated to the other end, lifting her feet and setting them into his lap. "Do you honestly believe Pepper of all people would try to hire someone she didn't believe could do the job?" He ran a hand through her hair while Steve worked at the arch of her feet. She sighed, relaxing into them.

"You belong here, sweetheart." Steve added. "And there isn't a single person who matters, who thinks otherwise. Jane would be lost without you, and who would help Thor and his friends figure out Midgardian customs? Who would keep Tony's ego thoroughly in check when Pepper's not around and who would keep Bruce from sinking into himself?"

"Who do you think would ever put up with Clint if you weren't around to keep him inline? And you alone are the one to prove to Natasha that she's not a demon. You a civilian taught the Black Widow that she deserves to be trusted and loved for who she is. You taught us that too." Bucky chuckled. "If it weren't for you and the way you cared for us when I first got here, we would have never been able to realize or accept our feelings for each other. You don't just belong here, doll, we'd all be hard pressed to live without."

The smile that crossed Darcy's face as Bucky settles his arms around her shoulders is soft and she closed her eyes to lean her head against his bicep.

"We'll be here for you just as much as you are for us." Steve sounded softly at her feet. Her smile widened. Bucky added;

"That's right Doritos."

The horrified look on her face as her eyes opened and her head popped up sent them into fits of laughter.

xXx

A/N: I don't know if the continuation of this will be another chapter or a separate story, But there will be more one way or another.

-RED


End file.
